Sunday, February 8, 2015
Point me toward tomorrow
I am about to leave a job I've had for twenty years. I have a mere five days left in an environment that I've hinted at before, has been very grueling and at times cruel. I'm convinced I have the mentality of someone who is institutionalized and it will take time to change that. My doctor claims I have saved my own life. The nature of my work has prevented me from talking about it publically. But I am leaving now and soon I will be employed in a place that I have no doubt, will be very nice indeed.
My eyes are dry - I know I gave the very best I had and have no regrets. Well, maybe one - I should have left five years ago. What is so astonishing to me is that my captors were so surprised. But I can no longer care any more than they do. I will be going to a place where respect rules the day - being gun-shy, I have completed my due diligence and my homework.
The tipping point was a meeting I was called to on a false pretense two weeks before Christmas. It left me so distraught, my daughter offered to sleep with me so I wouldn't be alone. That was the night I began to look for a new position. I lifted my arms up to the heavens above and they were filled. Fairly quickly too. I won't be looking back.
Those I am leaving will soon find another victim. And so, they must... The other night I dreamed I was riding in the back of a wooden wagon led by three wild horses. I glanced down at my leg which was clamped tight in a thick iron bear trap. As the wagon pitched and bumped in the dark, the trap fell away leaving my ankle bruised with a wide crimson welt. It was tender and it hurt. But when the wagon stopped, I limped away. Whole. And standing.